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I have a job. I have had it for a while, but now it has become full time. It starts first thing in the morning, and carries on late into the night. I have not asked about remuneration. I am afraid to. It would validate it. The job is demanding and does not leave much space for doubt. Although doubt is at its very root. This is one of the tasks of the job. Fight the doubt. From the early hours of the morning to the fading light of dusk, I work. It seems these days that I am employed non-stop, and with no hope of a vacation. Frankly, the job I have leaves no room for free time. It is all consuming, eternally demanding, and with no recompense of any kind. Oh, forgive me, there is a small bonus. It is called: I survived the day, but it comes with no accolades or rewards. It just means that the job continues, that I am not out of work. As long as I show up.

My job? Working every day not to kill myself.

So far, I have been successful. Maybe I’ll be promoted.



ART: Francis Bacon, Study for Self-Portrait, 1984